


The Fractures in my Soul

by Akiko_Natsuko



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Fear, Loss of Control, Magic, Multi, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 16:02:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17728364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: “How long?” Cana’s voice was soft and unbelievably calm, but it was the fingers that reached out and tenderly brushed over the transformed arm without hesitation or any hint of revulsion that gave Lisanna the courage to look up at her. There were none of the emotions that she had feared since that first day she had woken to find herself partially transformed, her body refusing to return to normal, even though the magic had been there, and there was a sob in her voice as she answered.“Two months, three weeks and a day…” It felt like forever, and it had been getting worse as the days had passed until there was always part of her that was transformed these days, and often there would be more than one transformation fighting for control.





	The Fractures in my Soul

The first clue had been the distance.

   Lisanna had always been the most tactile of the three. She was the first one to snuggle close when they piled into bed at night, trying to cover as much of girlfriends’ bodies with her own as possible; and it was there during the day as well. Light, lingering touches in passing, sitting pressed against Levy’s side as she listened to the Solid Script Mage talking about whatever she was reading, or with an arm slung around Cana as they had a drink at the bar. So, when Lisanna suddenly stopped seeking them out so much, they immediately noticed, especially as it wasn’t just that she had pulled away, but that she seemed to be physically struggling to keep a distance.

    It was Cana who first noticed the aborted attempts to reach out for them whenever Lisanna thought they were suitably distracted, fingers trembling before she would yank her hand back as though scolded. However, on the occasions when they caught her or tried to bring it up, Lisanna would laugh, a strained mockery of the giggle they had both fallen in love with, and she would wrap an arm around them or lean in close. However, there was no comfort to be found in that, because she would be stiff and closed off, light tremors working their way through her, and in the end, they would be the ones to pull away, not wanting to cause her more distress, and so the distance seeped in and they had no idea how to find it.

   Then they started waking to find that she was no longer in bed with them, either bustling around the kitchen with an overly bright smile and shadowed eyes as she tried to tell them she had just woken up earlier or curled up on the sofa dozing, or more often staring off into the distance. They both knew that she was lying, and yet at that moment she seemed like a wild animal, waiting to bolt at the slightest wrong word or touch, and so they bit their tongues and stayed close, waiting for the opportunity to reach out to her, and making sure that she knew they were still there.

*

    Then she had started to change how she dressed. Before she had always worn what, she wanted, more often than not anything that would make her transformations that little bit easier, and often their clothing, as they had discovered early on that she loved nothing more than pilfering their clothes. At first, it had just been when they were away on a job, and she had missed them, wanting their scent around her, but as time had passed, it had become an almost daily occurrence for them to find her wearing something that belonged to at least one of them. However, suddenly she was no longer wearing her regular clothes or stealing bits from them. Instead, she seemed to have gone out of her way to find the baggiest clothes she could find, some of which that drowned her so much they must have belonged to her brother.

    When they asked about it, as cautious in their questioning as they were about her sudden distance, she had brushed it off by claiming that she was just cold. It was a reasonable excuse, as the early spring chill seemed reluctant to release its hold on Magnolia this year, but there had been a stilted edge to her words that had told them it was a lie. As had her panicked excuse that she needed to help Mira at the bar when they had suggested they curl up on the sofa with hot chocolates and watch a film, practically fleeing from the house.

*

      The final straw came a couple of weeks later. The days had seemed to crawl by, with both Levy and Cana keeping a close eye on their third as she continued to retreat in on herself. That was why they had noticed the panic when Elfman had invited her to accompany him on a job, and the way she had clutched at her left arm, cradling it against her stomach as though it hurt her. And the way blue eyes had shifted just a moment, flickering a reptilian green with a slitted pupil, and cycling through several more transformations before returning to normal, as all the colour drained from her face as Elfman obliviously continued to try and convince her.

“Sorry Elfman, but we need her this weekend,” Cana had been the one to intervene, moving across and cautiously wrapping an arm around her girlfriend’s shoulders, squeezing lightly when she felt Lisanna flinch at the touch. For a moment Lisanna seemed to waver, torn between the escape that was being offered, and her new need for distance and Cana decided that enough was enough, tightening her hold and shooting her girlfriend a stern look that screamed ‘we need to talk’. That seemed to be enough, as Lisanna slumped and gave a tiny nod.

“I’ll see you when you get back,” she told her brother in a small voice, and now there was a glimmer of worry in his eyes as he studied her, and Cana knew they weren’t going to get anywhere if he started demanded answers. Thankfully, Levy seemed to have cottoned on, having been a little slower to move as she’d been shoving the book that she hadn’t really been reading back into her bag, but now she was there alongside them, pressing close on Lisanna’s other side, not quite as forceful as Cana had been in her approach.

“Come on, you promised to help me with my research!” Levy then went off into a stream of explanation that confused everyone, including Cana, but it had the effect of Elfman shaking his head and not protesting as they began to guide Lisanna towards the door. Cana winced a little, knowing that while it had been a distraction, for now, she and Lisanna would probably be roped into working on whatever Levy had just been babbling about and that neither of them would be able to refuse her. For someone who wasn’t overly forward about her demands, Levy had them both wrapped around her little finger. Still, it was worth it, because for the first time in days Lisanna was actually leaning into their touch, letting them guide her, although her head was down, preventing them from getting a good read on her expression, and her arm was still pressed against her stomach.

*

     There was no way they were going to have this conversation in the guild, and so they let her have her silence as they led her home, the two of them drinking up the contact that had been missing for too long, realising that at some point she had started to rub off on them.

    At home, they settled on the sofa with Lisanna cradled between them, exchanging pained glanced above her bowed head when they realised that at some point she had started to tremble again. They waited, the silence grating on their nerves, but praying that she would take the first step and open up to them, but as the minutes passed and her trembling grew worse, they realised that wasn’t going to happen and taken a deep breath Cana broke the silence. “Lisanna?” A sharp twitch told her that the other woman had heard her, but there was no other sign that she had any intention of replying, and Cana sighed before reaching out, placing a gentle finger under Lisanna’s chin and tilting her head up to look at them. “Talk to us.”’

    Fear. Cana blanched as she realised that it was fear, rather than stubbornness or guilt, or any other emotion that she had expected that greeted her question. It was also an emotion that she had never thought she would see it directed at her and Levy, least of all from Lisanna, and it took her a couple of attempts to find her voice again. “Did you think we wouldn’t notice that something was wrong?” Cana asked, not looking at Lisanna because she knew that she wouldn’t be able to control her expression right there, not that she needed to because the Take-over mage saw the way that her grip had tightened on the bottle in a way that it only did when she was upset. It was that more than the question that had Lisanna shaking her head and finally responding, as she whispered a soft denial.

“N-no…” _No,_ she had hoped that they wouldn’t or that it would take them longer to realise that something was wrong, by which point she had hoped to have it under control so that it would no longer be a problem. She should have known better, and she blinked as a gentle hand came to rest on her head, looking up to find Cana looking at her now, with a sad quirk of her lips as she asked knowingly.

“You hoped we wouldn’t?”

“Lisanna, talk to us,” Levy was gentler in her approach, but neither Cana or Lisanna could miss the steel behind the request, and they both knew from experience that she wouldn’t back down. And that if they didn’t open up, they would likely find themselves unable to leave the room until they did. Strangely enough, that thought comforted Lisanna more than it should’ve and she took a shuddering breath before closing her eyes.

“I-I…”  The words wouldn’t come, just as they hadn’t the few times she’d tried to convince herself to tell them since the problem had first started, and she could feel her eyes beginning to burn. _I need to tell them._ She should have told them at the beginning, part of her knew that, but she was scared and not entirely sure what of. _Herself? Her magic? Them? Or how they were going to react?_ Probably a mixture of all of them she realised now that she was forcing herself to actually think about it, but the last one struck the deepest note of terror in her heart because she had never forgotten how people had reacted to Mira’s magic when they were younger. She and Elfman had been lucky, learning their magic and making their mistakes after joining Fairy Tail while surrounded by people who understood and didn’t blink an eye at the odd sight of them spouting random body parts as they mastered their transformations.

_But this is different…_

“Is it really that hard to tell us?” Levy asked, sounding sad, and Lisanna blinked, startled to realise that tears had started to trickle down her cheeks while she had been lost in her thoughts. Clumsily swiping at them, she glanced at her Levy and then Cana who was watching her intently, unable to find anything but worry, and pain at seeing her like this in their eyes, and slowly she nodded before looking down at the arm cradled against her midriff.

“I’m scared…” The admission crept out and hung awkwardly in the silence for a moment.

“Lisanna…” She wasn’t sure which of them had whispered her name, probably both, but all she could hear was the pain in their voices. The hurt and there was an apology on the tip of her tongue when she abruptly found herself tangled in a tight embrace, and for a moment she was caught up in panic. _They’ll feel. They’ll know._ But they hadn’t let her go, and there were no voices raised in fear or disgust. Instead, their grip seemed to have tightened. And there was a head resting on one shoulder, and someone was pressing kisses to her other shoulder, barely noticeable through the bulk of her clothing, and something in her chest splintered then, a sob rising before she could stop it, and then another and another.

     It had a long time coming, and the sobs rose like a storm that swept over her and would have carried her away were it not for Levy and Cana holding her so tightly, anchoring her in the present with them. They didn’t try to stop the tears, just cradling her close, and riding out the storm with her. Just as she and Elfman had done on the few occasions that Mira had allowed herself to crack, and let them see her pain. Even with that realisation, it took time for the storm to pass, leaving her limp and exhausted, and all but held upright by their grip. But it had been cleansing, and there was a spark of something that had been missing for far too long. _Hope._ The fear was still there, a darkness in the back of her thoughts, and lingering in her trembling hand as she reached up to dash at her eyes, trying to wipe away some of the evidence of her tears.

    Levy and Cana were quiet, waiting for her she realised, and she took a deep, shuddering breath before gently trying to wiggle free. They moved until she was no longer trapped in their embrace, but they didn’t go far, Cana’s arm firm and strong along the line of her shoulder, and Levy’s warm and soothing at her waist. _We’re here._ The message couldn’t have been clearer had they screamed it aloud, and slowly she reached for the arm she had been keeping pressed against herself. She wasn’t sure that she trusted herself to speak just yet, the words still caught in the back of her throat, and she was trembling as she slowly began to pull back the sleeve of the hoodie. Revealing clenched fingers, and she faltered for a minute before she continued, a sharp intake of breath telling her that the others were watching, as pale skin gave way to chaotic patches of iridescent scales, soft grey fur and even vibrant feathers in places. It was no easier seeing it now, even though their supportive arms remained and she faltered, trembling and bracing herself for their reaction.

“How long?” Cana’s voice was soft and unbelievably calm, but it was the fingers that reached out and tenderly brushed over the transformed arm without hesitation or any hint of revulsion that gave Lisanna the courage to look up at her. There were none of the emotions that she had feared since that first day she had woken to find herself partially transformed, her body refusing to return to normal, even though the magic had been there, and there was a sob in her voice as she answered.

“Two months, three weeks and a day…” It felt like forever, and it had been getting worse as the days had passed until there was always part of her that was transformed these days, and often there would be more than one transformation fighting for control. She couldn’t end the transformation, having to wait for it to fade on its own, and while she could still use her take-over, more often than not even if she used a full transformation, it would be wrong, and she didn’t know why. She had searched the library as soon as she had realised what was happening, hoping to find answers herself before involving anyone else, but she hadn’t found anything beyond a vague mention of a Take-over mage who had sounded more like Mira, who had fragmented a little after taking over too many souls, but her magic was different, and…

“Maybe it isn’t so different,” Levy’s quiet voice interrupted her thoughts, and when she glanced at the smaller woman, she blanched, realising that she must have been speaking aloud as Levy had adopted the look that she wore whenever confronted with a puzzle that needed solving.

“But…”

“It’s still take-over magic,” Cana pointed out. “And while it’s mainly the physical attributes you use, there are other aspects of the animal that bleed through.” There was wry amusement in her voice, remembering the chair that had fallen victim to cat-Lisanna one day, and the way that Lisanna would sometimes nest after spending too long in certain forms, filling their bed with odds and ends that would be fine for an animal, but were a bit less comfortable for the three of them. The amusement fading as she realised that Lisanna was staring wide-eyed at her, fear bleeding back through, although there was a hint of relief behind it, and Cana sighed, before pulling her close. “Lisanna, this doesn’t make a difference to either of us, you realise that?” She asked, knowing even before she glanced at Levy that she would agree with her, just as she knew that was exactly what Lisanna had feared when she felt the shudder that greeted her words. “Lisanna…”

“I’m sorry,” Lisanna whispered, pressing her face against Cana for a moment in apology, before pulling back so they would be able to hear her clearly. “It scared me when I couldn’t c-control it, and then when it kept happening, all I could think about was…”

“Mira, and what happened to her,” Cana finished for her, and Lisanna nodded, fresh tears trickling down her cheeks.

“We would never,” Levy’s voice was fierce in a way that they rarely heard it as she joined the embrace once more, pressed up against Lisanna’s back, and deliberately reaching around to grasp the transformed arm, fingers brushing lightly against the different textures. “You are our Lisanna, no matter what form you take.”

“I know…”

“In your head,” Levy cut across her with a sigh. “But you’re heart wasn’t so sure, and…” _That hurts because we’re here._ She didn’t say that part aloud, but she didn’t need to, the other two hearing it clearly all the same, and Lisanna flinched, whispering another apology and another, but unable to deny it. Rationally she had known, and yet fear had choked her every time that she had tried to reach out to them, and she could feel the storm threatening to close in once more. She nearly let it, but then Levy spoke again, the same steel as earlier seeping back into her voice. “We’re going to change that.”

_But, you don’t have too..._

“We’re going to help with this,” Cana murmured, seemingly oblivious to Lisanna’s thoughts as her fingers joined Levy’s in brushing against the transformed limb. “Then we’ll work on everything else, but Lisanna…” She waited, voice trailing off until Lisanna looked up at her. “Whatever happens, even if it takes a long time to work through this, or we can’t, we’re not going to going to go anywhere. You’re stuck with us now.” The last bit was said with a bit more humour, trying to lighten the mood, and her eyes widened as instead it was greeted with a loud, almost wail as Lisanna all but fell against her, wrapping one arm around Cana.

     Her other arm she gently pulled free of their supportive hold, unable to stop it from trembling as she held it out in invitation, holding her breath until she felt fingers curling around hers, as Levy and Cana entwined theirs with her. It was a simple gesture, a tiny step forward, but for the first time in ages, Lisanna felt like she could breathe again, as she sat cradled between them once more, their unflinching grip on her fingers grounding her.


End file.
